Written by Steddyeddy
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Money

Friday, 6 June 2008

image for CBI suggests bonus scheme for job botchers should be available to all British workers
Railtrack manager sees bank statement

Taking the lead from Network Rail management, the CBI have suggested that all British companies should introduce special bonus schemes for poor and shoddy workmanship.

With general rail foul-ups, late trains, over-crowding, cattle-truck style carriages and cancellations, it was agreed by the CBI - which is a sort of a business-men's club in Centre Point, London that organises big events in very expensive hotels - that Network Rail management certainly deserve these 6-figure bonuses.

However, because the club membership of the CBI also boasts useless and over-paid managers in other business sectors, it was felt that the bonus system for shoddy work and foul-ups should be extended to all.

President of the CBI, Anton Deque said:

"There is growing unrest amongst Britain's sloppiest and shoddiest workers that they are not being given recognition for their incredibly poor performance and business-ruining practices. Why shouldn't they also receive thousands of pounds for their incompetence?

"For example, when your local council skips a week collecting your rubbish, council chiefs should get a bonus. When your financial advisor miss-sells you a worthless endowment policy, give him a bonus. When you bank manager leaves your personal details outside the bank in a skip and your identity is stolen, give him a bonus.

"When operators of Terminal 5 lose your luggage, Willy Walsh should get a bonus. Gordon Brown when he gets kicked out by Big Boy Dave Cameron, give him a bonus. Or if Weigh-In Roomy misses a penalty, well give him a bonus.

"More bonuses all round I say."

Make Steddyeddy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 3?

4 6 16 15
39 readers are online right now!

Go to top