Prince Charles is to officially open an Edinburgh council flat he saved for the public.
There were fears it would be impossible to save the Murrayburn flat, and its unique collection of chipped Argos furniture, after the property was put up for sale for £17,250, but it was saved at the last minute when the prince sold one of his teaspoons to buy it.
The house is famous for its tyres in its tiny garden, and its ancient and preserved display of rusty beer cans on its window ledges, and it should prove a place that many will avoid as far as possible.
Prince Charles said:'Well, um, you know, it's part of the nation's heritage, it's not a monstrous carbuncle, like that dreadful Dumfries House in Ayrshire. Flat 7, Number 44 Murrayburn Place, next to Mister Lee's takeaway, has a special place in our history.'
After tonight's official opening speech by the prince, out-of-date bangers will be let off, airguns will be fired at passers-by, and there will be the traditional dogfights and eating of stolen Eastern European meat, washed down with Frosty Jack's cider and Tennent's Super.
The Prince of Wales said he was looking forward to the celebrations immensely: 'Am I in Wales?', the prince asked, 'and how soon can I get out of here, and bugger off back to my stately home in England?'
Camilla Parker-Bowles will not be attending the opening, as she'll be getting legless in the nearby Gala Bingo, before having a white pudding supper with brown sauce, and then sleeping it off beside the canal.