Written by Steddyeddy
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Thursday, 5 June 2008

image for Transport for London announce new tube line for tourists only
The delay board for the new Tourism underground line is tested

Work is about to begin on London's new tube line due to open in Spring 2012. However the new line is somewhat different to existing lines such as the Northern, Central and Bakerloo, in as much as it is for use by tourists only and will include many 'themed' travel events.

The new "Tourist Line" will take its own unique zig-zag path across London, directly connecting visitor attractions without the need to change trains.

There will be on-board catering (managed by RyanAir), souvenir shops (managed by Poundstretcher), amusement machines (managed by BetSaidFred), fast-food outlets (managed by the NHS) and Wetherspoon pubs. However, unlike other tube lines, passengers will have to sign an undertaking that they will drink on the train and that they won't complain to the Office of Fair Trading about prices.

The new themed days on these trains should prove a great attraction for the visitor to London and mark a significant change in direction for Transport for London.

Cody Pendant, Public Affairs manager for Tourist Line explains some of the events:

"Kicking off the week will be 'Mugging Monday' where every hour, gangs of hoodies will run down the carriages grabbing cameras, bags and passports in an effort to reflect a typical train journey.

"'Tuneful Tuesday' sees each carriage getting its own authentically dressed and equally authentically unwashed busker complete with five-stringed guitar singing woefully out of tune Eric Clapton songs.

"Wednesday is 'Spare some Change' day where visitors who miss meeting beggars outside King's Cross station will have the opportunity they might have previously missed to make up excuses as to why they don't want to give an unshaven vagrant small change for a cup of tea.

"Thursday is 'Travellers Turmoil' where all timetables will be abandoned, enabling the visitor to experience the joy of not knowing where their next train is coming from, or for that matter when and how full, although we do have this expectation that it may come from a tunnel.

"'Freesheet Friday' sees copies of London's free newspapers being made available for visitors to throw all over the floor of carriages and station concourses to give that true British environmental 'look and feel'."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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