Written by Midgetgems
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Thursday, 5 June 2008

image for No gain, no pain
Mr Da Pinta employs blind security guards as a gesture of compassion

Jesus Da Pinta, the former drugs lord-turned-spiritual advisor, has appealed to West Midlands County Council to 'surrender or die' in his long-running dispute over housing benefit.

Da Pinta arrived in Dudley from Colombia seven years ago to become patron saint and protect vulnerable people from police brutality.

Neighbours were quick to defend Mr Pinta against allegations by council bosses that he was a 'nuisance'. Nigel Kalashinikov a.k.a. a a.k. (47) said, "I don't think people should mess with Jesus".

Each evening hundreds of dedicated pilgrims, resplendent in bling, arrive outside Mr Pinta's door and begin their ritual chant of 'Oi, oi, oi!'. In spite of such manifest sanctity he claims he has received absolutely nothing towards living and security costs since moving to a very impressive Dudley squat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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