The Municipal Swimming Baths in Croydon have been saved from closure thanks to the highly non-politically correct decision of the council committee charged with overseeing it.
Up to now, Croydon Municipal Swimming Baths has been plagued by peeping-toms, voyeurs and adolescent boys keen to see what female breasts look like 'in the flesh'.
However, chair of the swimming committee, Councillor Seymour Butts, suggested that peeping toms and voyeurs should be provided, at a suitable rate-per-minute or pay-per-view rate, with a specially walled area, complete with peepholes, where they would be able to sneakily observe bathers dressing and undressing. Some of the holes in the walling will also be big enough to accommodate voyeurs' private unmentionables should they wish to display them to bathers.
Mr Butts explained:
"We want to preserve the Municipal Baths for residents, as to be honest, apart from the Fairfield Hall and the tram, there isn't much else in Croydon. Oh! I forgot. There is a Sainsbury's.
"However, the cost of filtering and heating the water, not to mention the water rates, were getting too high for us to be able to sustain the pool. We did complain about the water rates to the Council, but we are currently waiting for a reply from ourselves, despite several follow-up phone calls.
"We undertook research and found that peeping toms were prepared to pay upwards of £2 a minute for a fleeting view of ladies' essentials and men's dangly bits. And it appears some voyeurs were more than happy to pay £5 to hang their droopy bits though a gap in the wall for old ladies to hit with a piece of lifebelt rope.
"However, it is not all doom, gloom, flash and grope. These fee paying perverts will only be allowed in during adult sessions, and no one under 18 will be able to take part. Also, Kleenex tissues and other handkerchiefs will be banned.
"We are calling this new initiative the "Mary Whitehouse Experience".