Written by Steddyeddy
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Topics: Time, Teletubbies

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

image for Under 5's call for the UK to adopt TellyTubby time
Grand Master Tellytubby Prescott

A group of very young children have called for the adoption of TellyTubby time to replace GMT arguing that "Noo-Noo" city is the true centre of the Earth.

The corner the television occupies has become the direction all under 5's face when they want to know the time. They have even learned how to avoid things like Vanessa Feltz and Tricia.

The call was issued at a conference held on the TellyTubby Floating Island under the title: "Noo-Noo, the Centre of the Earth, Theory and Practice. And Nappy Changing."

One 4-year old geologist argued that unlike other longitudes, Noo-Noo was in perfect alignment with the Pampers Nappy Factory in East Cheam.

He said the BBC had imposed GMT on the rest of the world by force in the days before it featured endless repeats on digital channels, and it was about time this changed.

A prominent cleric, Dipsy Po, said modern science had at last provided evidence that Noo-Noo was the true centre of the Earth; proof, he said, of the greatness of the TellyTubby "bububububububub" - the TellyTubby word for "franchise".

The meeting also reviewed what has been described as the Tubby Watch, brainchild of a German Grand Tubby. The watch is said to rotate round and round (in similar fashion to the wheels on the famous bus which are alleged to also go "round and round", the only exception being the 44a Arriva in Leicester), and is supposed to help TellyTubbies determine the time from any point on Earth, provided of course it is adjusted beforehand.

The meeting in TellyTubby Floating Island is part of a popular trend in some illiterate societies of seeking to find TellyTubby precedents for modern science. It is called "flobadob bobbibbub", which roughly translates as the "miraculous nature of franchise profit ratio".

The underlying belief is that scientific truths were also revealed in the TellyTubby book, and it is the work of scholars to unearth and publicise the textual evidence.

But the movement is not without its critics, who say that the notion that modern science was revealed in TellyTubby literature, despite the big print and monosyllabic words, confuses spiritual truth, which is constant, and empirical truth, which depends on the state of the franchise bank account at any given time in relation to Bob the Builder or Thomas the Tank Engine.

Jonathan Ross gets £60,000 a week of licence payers' money.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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