A respected and quite bald professor of music from King's College, Dr Lass Nightproms, has revealed today that following extensive research, he can conclusively prove that the girl groups 'Sugarbabes' and 'Girls Aloud' have just been a figment of the public's imagination.
Research was carried out over a period of four weeks, with over 600 people being asked probing questions about their knowledge of the music industry today.
Dr Nightproms said:
"We know that if the members of Girls Aloud and Sugarbabes were laid end to end, it would be far more enjoyable than listening to them singing. Well it would for men, anyway.
"It seems that most men prefer to think about them rather than watch them mime their latest recording.
"Further tests revealed that a group of horses, if given a set of musical instruments, could actually produce a more pleasant sounding result.
"I will be having a discussion with Simon Cowell to investigate whether he might like to sign up "Des Horses", my new 6-horse supergroup, tomorrow.
"I have a suspicion, if I'm being honest, that he might say 'Neigh'.