Ministers are winning over MPs on the controversial coughing vote to extend detention without charge to 42 days.
Mr Jack Straw told us that the anti-cougher law would only be used 'when we feel like a bit of control-freakery.'
Some have claimed that coughers are basically harmless, and only make a lot of noise, but outspoken choker, Abu Hamza, said: 'I will wave my hook around and cough in your Infidel faces, you decadant, Western running-dog pork eaters!', before going away to play bingo with his granny.
The government has put aside a budget of £312 million to combat the coughing menace, and anyone coughing near a tube station will be shot on sight.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown said: 'My glove puppet will be in all toy shops next week, just as soon as President Bush decides how much it will cost.'
George W. Bush was unavailable for comment, as he was coughing, after trying to eat a pretzel.