Gordon Brown today stunned the UK with an announcement to increase the number of public sector jobs to 65 million before 2015. The move to ease unemployment concerns will come at the expense to the taxpayer.
Brown commented on the successes of New Labour's policy of introducing jobs that nobody thought existed. Rupert Fulloplop MP questioned Brown on the value that jobs such as "Lesbian relief coordinator" and "Rabbit housing safety director" can add to the British economy. Brown hit back and accused the Tories of standing in the way of progress and being unrepresentative of public concerns.
Brown also announced that health and safety laws are to be reviewed as part of the plan. He comments "it is my belief that people cannot be expected to leave the house without being assisted by a swat team of health and safety advisors". Estimated to cost around £18,000 per journey, he intimated that Britain's tax policy would need review in order to fund such a move.
A number 10 insider - who wishes to remain anonymous, commented "Gordon meows like a cat during the evenings now. We are very concerned about his health".