It was revealed today that Prince William, second in line to the throne thanks to his success in the great British tradition of forming a queue, is to lead the drug squad in the Caribbean.
He has taken on board with him, as special advisors, Amy Winehouse, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, all of whom can spot a Class A drug at 1000 paces. It is understood that Shane McGowan of the Pogues will be acting as special envoy for drink.
"I am thrilled to be able to serve the country by identifying drugs in the Caribbean.
"I think it is most important that socialites, people with double-barreled names and other wastrels who have up to now had to deal with the dregs of society to obtain their fix, should be able to identify a more up-market source for their social requirements.
"I'm not saying that I am perfect - on the drinks front I do like to get as wasted as the next man, and the occasional royal poke in a lady with a pretty face and an agreeable body configuration can be rather pleasant, don't you know.
"However, I feel I have a duty to the overpaid and under-talented of this country to assist them with finding as pure a source of reliable drugs as possible."