Written by Norton Folgate
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Topics: Trains

Saturday, 31 May 2008

image for Ain't that a kick in the head

As thousands of commuters struggled this week to make their way into Liverpool St after a bridge was struck, they faced further insult by train companies increasing fares prices again and fining passengers who complained.

Spokesperson for National Express East Anglia, Mick Bastard said, 'My staff had to tolerate and put up with some disgraceful abuse which was totally uncalled for. We had one female passenger ask one of my team would it be possible to accommodate more trains? Shocking. No need, no need. 'My member of staff has been signed off with emotional stress and if honest, we won't be seeing him again this side of Christmas.'

Bastard continued, 'I too was a victim of abuse when an elderly gentleman stuck at Shenfield asked when the next train would arrive? How I composed myself is only a result of the outstanding customer service training that I have received over the years funded by my employers'.

An emotional Bastard, pausing to compose himself, his voice faltering continued, 'I arrived home last night and said to the Wife (Jenny) that I needed a strong drink and some good sex as I had endured a day that would have broken many.'

Lloyds Broker, Geoffrey Simpson of Hockley, Essex has paid the price for having the audacity to write a letter of complaint to the way the train company handled the chaos when he was arrested later that day.

Bastard said 'Hanging is too good for him.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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