Written by Steddyeddy
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Topics: Marriage, Royalty

Thursday, 29 May 2008

image for Britain votes for its most eligible Royal - a fat git on the telly
A hello wedding editorial meeting in full swing

Hot on the heels of the marriage of Peter Phillips, 15th in line to the throne, to the WAG with the ridiculous first name, Hello magazine undertook further research to see which Royal wedding the British public would next like to see the magazine pay through the nasal cavity for.

Top of the list was the marriage of Jim Royle, (Ricky Tomlinson) to Cilla Black. It was felt that Jim's honest, forthright and straightforward swearing and impropriety would be a perfect match for "our" Cilla, with her shrill voice capable of cutting plate glass or even light aluminium at 50 yards.

Second on the list was Bert Royal, British wrestler of note from the 60's, to Paris Hilton, international spendthrift and professional airhead. It was felt that the wedding night would prove entertaining with a selection of folding presses, close-lines, Boston crabs, fore-arm smashes and other miscellaneous submission holds. It was also felt Miss Hilton might even be able to learn to count up to three without the use of a safety harness.

Third favourite was the marriage of Royal National Lifeboat institute to Greenpeace, as they always have to go out and rescue them from underneath the Japanese 'Research' ships that traverse the oceans murdering thousands of whales annually in the cause of research that mysteriously, never is revealed.

Editor of Hello, Cristopheris Naff, said:

"At Hello we are committed to printing pages and pages of boring, irrelevant guff with as few words as possible so as to appeal to our core audience of brain-dead, big brother aficionados.

"And if there's the slightest chance of an upskirt shot or a misplaced bra, then all the better, although the idea of catching the groom giving the bridesmaid an MOT in the back of a car in the hotel garage, would be especially useful for our sales."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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