A major incident, earlier today, thankfully saw no casualties when an underground train from the Bakerloo Line ran aground off the coast at Ramsgate in Kent.
The train had been rerouted by Network Rail as a result of major road works in Baker Street, coincident with the wrong type of rain and falling leaves at the wrong time of year caused by global warming due to people having to take their cars because the trains are so unreliable.
A spokesman for the train companies, Sir Richard Beardie said; "I believe there should be more BOGOF opportunities."
Our reporter, Orla Nasty, then asked Sir Richard if this idea of Buy One Get One Free would be simplistically applies across all rail fare structures. He replied:
"No. Nothing to do with making a purchase. I just think all rail commuters need telling to simply bog off.
"With fewer of these people around to continually moan about cancelled or late trains, overcrowding, lack of cleanliness and completely confusing rail fares, this would subsequently make the running of the rail network much more simple and efficient.
"Now if you don't mind, would you please bog off as well. I'm busy."