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Wednesday, 28 May 2008

image for 24-hour drinking not being taught properly says Archbishop
Man show off his new portable drink container

In a scathing attack on the drinks industry, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Atkinson, riding high on the success of his new movie "Archbishop Bean", is one of several cross-religion senior clerics to slam 24-hour drinking.

He said: "My biggest fear is that late teenage Chavs, especially the girls, are not being taught the correct rudiments of 24-hour drinking. Up to now, they have been used to binge-drinking between the hours of 10am, when Big Brother finishes on the telly and pub throwing-up time at around midnight.

"The Government must provide funds to educate these people how to drink all day long."

Mullah Omytee of the Finsbury Mosque agreed: "This is potentially an explosive situation for our children. It is even more difficult for children in our community, as they have to be taught to adapt to drinking when they've had either their right hand chopped off, or they've been stoned to death for being caught with alcohol in the first place."

Rabbi Lionel Blue added to the furore by stating: "Hello Sarah. Hello John. Hello all on wonderful Radio 4. Hello Terry on wonderful Radio 2. Hello Chris on wonderful Radio 1. Hello George and Claire on the wonderful BBC World Service. Hello Simon on wonderful Radio 5 live. Hello Liz on wonderful BBC Yorkshire, Clive on wonderful BBC Leicester, Bill on wonderful BBC 3 Counties and Derek on the simply wonderful BBC Devon. And hello all wonderful listeners.

"Oops, wonderfully sorry. With all these wonderful hellos to all these wonderful Radio presenters on the wonderful BBC, I've forgotten what I'm meant to be talking about. Wonderfully sorry."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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