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Wednesday, 28 May 2008

image for Bournemouth bans fire extinguishers as a danger to fires
New "one shot" fire extinguisher being trialled in Bournemouth

Very sensible risk assessors in Bournemouth - known as 'Wrinkly City' - have decided that fire extinguishers are to be banned from high rise flats in the city.

Their spokesman, "Crazy" Arthur Brown explains.

"We are worried sick that in the event of a fire, residents of high rise flats might not know how to correctly use a fire extinguisher. While we appreciate many have implicit instructions, and that they are in essence fool proof, we do not want to take the chance and put residents' lives in danger when there is a raging inferno going on around them.

"Increasingly, we have heard of people holding fire extinguishers upside down, pointing them the wrong way, using them to break down doors or to break windows and rescue trapped people, and in some cases, even discharging them into a fire.

"People will do the strangest things when their homes are burning down around them, but we feel it is much safer for them to quietly sit in the flames and await rescue by our highly trained fire officers, many of whom will be on the way back from some idiotic, but equally important, false alarm, where their tenders will have been subject to bricks being thrown, tyres being shot and the personal safety of officers threatened by people in hoods accompanied by flagons of Magners cider laced with rum."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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