Written by Steddyeddy
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Topics: Drugs, Education

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

image for NVQ in drug taking for professional criminals announced
Stu Pidberke is the first on the new NVQ course at Leicester

Now that judges have deemed it fitting that thieves who steal to fund their drug, alcohol or gambling habits should be spared jail, Leicester University has announced an NVQ in drug taking, gambling and binge drinking.

Chancellor of the University, Professor I B Thick, announced the new courses at an armed Post Office robbery in the city earlier today.

"We want to support the judiciary with this exciting new initiative for freeing up jail space. We have developed a number of sponsored courses which we feel should appeal to the criminal mind. We have even anticipated the award presentation ceremony where criminals will be encouraged to break into my office and steal their own degrees and certificates.

"We are convinced these courses will have great appeal for both the hard of thinking and those with no intention of ever working for a living."

Courses at Leicester include:

  • 'Armed robbery under the influence of crack cocaine' - sponsored by SmithKline
  • 'Mugging and bag snatching for the binge drunk' - sponsored by Diageo
  • '10 to 1 on it's arson' - sponsored by William Hill
  • 'Jewellery fencing for those new to drugs' - sponsored by Pampers
  • 'Grand Theft Auto' sponsored by Sony
  • 'Choosing the right gun when you are under the influence' - sponsored by the Leicester Royal Hunt.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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