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Monday, 26 May 2008

image for School Holidays are to be abolished
Intensive!

A Government think-tank has advised that British schools are not teaching children enough and that the best solution would be to abolish holidays altogether. In spite of record numbers of GCSE and A level passes every year, children, on leaving school, actually show no sign of having learnt anything.

In a report published today, The Department of Education recommended that schools should be more intensive and should be run from 8am till 8pm. Such action would allow parents to drop-off their kids in time to get to work for 9am and then work straight through to 5pm without worrying to get back to pick them up. It would doubtlessly increase productivity by 25 %.

A spokesman for the 'Skool is Kewl Campaign', Dr I. M. Clever told In Seine News;

"We are very excited at this new initiative as it will give pupils that drive that is needed to get good marks. We have long felt that children have far too much leisure time in which they waste many hours doing graffiti, vandalism, shoplifting, gang warfare, sex, drugs and most of the ills in our society. They just forget what they learn that day. Britain has become the 'dunce' of the world and it is about time we pulled our socks up and became world leaders once again!"

"By running classes from 8am till 8pm, we hope that excuses like "the dog ate my homework" will become a thing of the past because everyone knows that dogs are curled up in bed by then. Furthermore, there will be no distraction of children's TV and all the soaps are usually finished by then - the more educational programmes are on then, like 'University Challenge', 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire', 'Ray Mears Bushes', 'Gardener's World' and the like."

"In addition the 'School run' will be at around 7 :30 am and 8pm and this will free up many of the roads in our towns and cities, thereby allowing people to get to work on time. The new curriculum will begin with children aged 5 and continue up to the age of 16. Any one who says that this is cruel, forgets that we used to send 5 year-olds up chimneys and many a 16 year-old fought in the trenches during WWI. We will allow Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year's Day and two days in the Summer (enough for a day out to the sea) though. If this pilot scheme is successful, then we shall consider employing weekends as well - full-time education should be just that!" he added.

Many Teachers are going to strike or resign.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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