Shocked London officials revealed today that the Para Olympics will still go ahead in London in 2012 following a survey which revealed that most people actually watch it for the "laugh" value.
The Para Olympics which feature people with physical disabilities competing has long been believed to bring a tear of pride to the eye of the beholder. It is now clear that it's more likely to leave you with tears of laughter streaming down your face.
- Sightless 100 metres, where blind athletes stumble towards a sighted official who is shouting encouragement in the fastest possible time. Last year the record was broken at 1 hour 35 minutes and 40 seconds with only fourteen minor injuries.
Tongue Propelled Relay Swimming; Disabled athletes propel themselves by tongue power alone to the finishing line after passing a baton mouth to mouth.
Autistic Shotput; The object is to actually motivate the athletes enough to throw the put.
Wheelchair Longjump; Wheelchair users are catapulted across distance, the current record stands at 2 ft 1 inch.
However, the epileptic versus narcoleptic swimming event will not take place this year, following allegations of bias from the Narcoleptic Society.
The survey also asked UK citizens to suggest a discipline for the 2012 games, the most popular suggestion being a "Hook a Duck" type pool related event involving limbless bobbing athletes. The London Para Olympic commitee have disregarded this as "tasteless" and "degrading" to the disappointment of approximately 14,000 people who were prepared to pay to "have a go."