Written by Norton Folgate
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Tuesday, 27 May 2008

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Hoxton and Shoreditch have been officially named the 'bastard love children' of Islington after both areas of London had still yet to decide on their official status. Both it would seem, are undecided as to if they wish to be portrayed as bohemian, uber cool, rich and trendy or alternatively, poor under funded run down areas of East London.

Famous for attracting such luminaries as Pete Doherty, Amy Winehouse and Alexander McQueen (I rest my case) Hoxton/Shorditch only seems attractive in print or when featured in channel 4 property programmes with the standard featured shot of the Light Bar.

We spoke with one Shoreditch resident who said 'I can't wait to leave, talk about the Emperors new clothes. It's full of pretentious arty wankers, dog shit and graffiti. I am considering doing a part exchange with my one bedroom piss sodden squat just off Hoxton Square for a six bed roomed detached in Cleveland.'

Another Shoreditch resident who did not wish to be named said 'I'm utterly confused. It's a shithole, not Hampstead.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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