Written by Angus McFiddle
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Wednesday, 28 May 2008

image for Gordon Brown aims to win Chelsea by-election
"We have to go backwards to go forwards lads."

Prime Minister Gordon Brown believes the Labour party has a good chance of winning the job at Chelsea after the departure of Avram Grant.

The embattled PM needs a win under his belt after defeat by Crewe And Nantwich threw his hold on the premiership into doubt.

"Chelsea is a key constituency for us," said Brown, "and I feel that if we put up Tony Banks as a candidate we could win the job. We are listening to the fans and we are planning for the long term."

David Cameron, who has many friends in Chelsea and surrounding areas, said Mr Brown was deluding himself. "His time has come. He doesn't have the support of the dressing room, and he would only waste Roman Abramovich's money on consultants while cutting back costs and putting up ticket prices.

"We, on the other hand, are a new improved Conservative party. We wear blue, and we are inclusive - we really don't mind associating ourselves with oiks, riff raff and darkies."

Bookmakers have laid odds on the job going to a foreign immigrant.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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