The Government has announced new employment measures for civil servants to further enrich the working experience and shut the unions up.
Flexitime - the mysterious yet extremely popular practice which enables workers to arrive in at 12 pm and depart at 4pm is being extended to sick leave.
Workers are to now be allowed take an hour here and an hour there as Flexisick. This will enable those whose GP surgeries demand patients must plan their sickness three weeks in advance if they expect to be able to book a doctor's appointment.
Launching the initiative, Minister for Sickness, Nick O'Teen said:
"We feel this is a jolly good initiative which we hope the Civil Service will lead and the private sector will follow.
"In particular, it will help towards relieving MMS (Monday Morning Syndrome) where hordes of the country's workers have to take Monday mornings off to look after children, wait in for Argos parcels or collect the pension for their elderly parents.
"The fact they have spent the entire weekend drinking to excess is totally coincidental."
Tracey and Kevin, who are Retail Account Managers (or shop assistants, to give them their official title) at Woolworths, have never worked a Monday morning in their entire working lives. Upon hearing the announcement, Kevin said:
"This is good."
An equally profound and literate Tracey agreed.