TV bosses have reacted with anger to claims they are biased towards London.
Media regulator OFCOM today criticised ITV for failing to spend enough money on making programmes outside London last year and said it was taking the issue "very seriously". The Communications Act requires networks to spend a set amount of their production budgets outside London.
But ITV executives have hit back at the criticism, citing the "lawless, unwashed and ignorant populace" as a reason not to seek to do business outside the capital.
One TV executive said: "OFCOM must be mental. Who in their right mind would want to leave London? I've never been further north than Muswell Hill and nor would I want to. From what I understand, the moment you set foot outside the Home Counties you are putting your life at risk from rogues and vagabonds clothed in animal hides who can only communicate by clicking their tongues. They still have smallpox don't they?"
Another braying posh idiot added: "As far as I know they don't have television in the North so doing anything for them would be a waste of time."
However, an official ITV statement said: "We regret the comments made by OFCOM, and are seeking to clarify our position. The fact of the matter is that we have indeed commissioned a great deal of work from production companies outside the capital, more than fulfilling our quota.
"Unfortunately these companies only require paying in buttons or shiny pebbles, pieces of cloth and what have you, so it skews our spending figures to make it look like we aren't investing in the regions."