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Thursday, 22 May 2008

image for Chelsea dribbling skills not enough to win against Manchester United
The Chelsea and Man U captains start the final

In an exciting football final where Manchester United met Chelsea in Moscow, which is a still a 'communist-ish' city sufficiently far enough away from the UK to keep troublemakers at bay, Chelsea's dribbling skills were not enough to gain them the trophy.

Despite some fine dribbling from many of the Chelsea players, the spitting skills of Manchester United, combined with the open-mouthed gum chewing from manager Lord Ferguson of Lackstyle, proved too much of a hurdle for Chelsea to overcome.

Cristiano Ronaldo opened the score with a fine ball of phlegm expelled in an energetic spit in front of the Chelsea goal in the 15th minute. However, Frank Lampard lost no time in expelling a particularly sticky green substance from his mouth at the foot of the linesman in the 25 yard box.

Prior to half time, John Terry hit the Churchill advertising board from 20 feet out with a fine gob of spit, but was overshadowed by a full chunder from Edwin van der Sar just before half-time.

Into the second half, Michael Essien looked like being man of the match as he stood in the centre of the field coughing, in what the crowd felt was in preparation for the season's finest spit. However, Petr Cech ran dribbling up the far flank to release a spit that covered the front two rows of ecstatic fans.

Sir Bobby Charlton, who was on hand to present the awards said:

"Coughing and sneezing may spread diseasing, but the quality of spitting during this match was the best I've seen. Wy Aye man.

"I thought Lord Ferguson's chewing was tremendous. A real trend-setter in ignorant eating habits. But it has to be said, Manchester United's spitting was first class, and they deserved to win, even though the result was decided on a spit-out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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