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Wednesday, 21 May 2008

image for Gordon Brown to sack himself in summer cabinet reshuffle
Gordon plays scissors, stone, and paper to decide new cabinet

In a remarkable move aimed at making the government more popular as it reaches the half-way stage between elections, some dramatic suggestions have come from research into the reshuffle most likely to have a positive effect.

The most radical step suggested by Prime Minister Gordon Brown is that he should sack himself and be replaced by David Cameron. The fact that David Cameron is leader of the Conservatives hasn't really been remarked upon, but doesn't seem to be causing too much concern in Labour circles, especially crop circles.

The research has called into question why Michael Martin is speaker of the House when he doesn't in fact speak, apart from the occasional "order, order, order", and that Home Secretary Jacqui Smith lives in a flat and not in a home.

Other suggestions to make the Government more amenable to the electorate include:

Admiral Lord West of Spithead, Lord Hunt, Ed Balls and Alistair Darling should go because they have names that 'Have I got News for You' can make fun of. And Hilary Benn has an unusual first name that might confuse those who feel gender-challenged and are unsure which door of the bus to use (so to speak).

The Miliband brothers need to go because of accusations of nepotism, and Ruth Kelly should resign because she's Ruth Kelly.

Jack Straw, it is suggested, should become Secretary of State for Fast Food.

The full results of the research can be found on a disc in a TNT van.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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