In a move to ease overcrowding, Scotland is to reintroduce steam engines on its railway lines.
Scotrail spokesstoker, K. C. Jones, said: 'For too long we've relied on warm, comfortable, electric trains, now it's time to bring back old-fashioned, stinking, polluting ones, ones you can smell from a hundred miles away, and ones that give you fatal diseases.'
And Scotland's Firstdirect Minister, Alexei Sayle, speaking from his coal mine in Aberdeen, said: 'Yes, it's another great Scottish invention, turning the clock back two hundred years to save a few pennies, no wonder I'm so popular.'
But fellow Stoker, Gordon Frown, had this to say, after putting down his shovel: 'What does popular mean?'
Many have suggested that bringing back the steam engine will help commuters and tourists to get where they want to more efficiently, but even more have said that this is an April Fool joke gone wrong. But deputy nobody, Wendy Boatcomesin, said: 'Where's my Limousine?'
Third class carriages will appear in November, for the third class citizens of the United Kingdom.