After years of apparently declining standards and after attempts to compete with other more down-market, popularist TV channels, the BBC has taken the inevitable step of converting its HQ into a brothel. Rather than watch the programmes, members of the public will be able to walk into the building and simply have sex with the participants and makers of the shows.
A BBC spokesperson said yesterday, "After years of whoring ourselves to all and sundry on the airwaves, we thought the obvious thing was to offer ourselves literally to the public." The spokesman, in an orange suit, yellow shirt and shades added, "Now, rather than simply watch a celebrity on TV, you can spend an afternoon with them on a licensed basis and they will do anything for you, demean themselves and talk filthy - just like BBC television at the moment."
Already, Television Centre was doing a brisk trade. A Mr. X of Tooting, London said "I just had a fabulous session with Susanna Reid, the Breakfast TV presenter. She was disgusting! She advertised current BBC shows disguised as news items, winked at the camera when she read out something funny and fed me human interest stories while she straddled me."
ITV and C4, who had been running a similar service for many years, refused to comment.