London - (Rubber Ass Mess): With Tony Blair away ministering to his burgeoning offshore bank accounts Cherie often finds comfort in a 7ft blow-up latex effigy of her husband's new boss Pope Joe Ratzinger, according to a memoir published next week.
"It keeps her faithful, satisfied and properly lubricated during periods of drought," a Drowning St source claimed last night.
The effigy is one of a limited edition of 100 custom-made by the Vatican for Opus Dei newcomers.
"You can sit on it, straddle it, switch on the turbo-charged five-speed vibrator AND receive holy communion all at the same time," a Pontifical Orifice spokesman said today.
A Pentecostal© cunnilingus micro-chip inside the head ensures high-grade ecclesiastical pillow talk in seven tongues including Latin.
The doll comes in two standard models: heterosexual and blatantly gay.
The Blairs are rumored to have one each.
"No prizes for guessing the orientation of Tony's comforter," Carole Caplin's neighbor said today.