Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Health, british

Tuesday, 11 May 2004

The President of the African country of Gabon, El Hadj Omar Bongo has appealed to the UN, the World Health Organization, the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund and all affluent countries around the world for assistance as Gabon faces a famine of epic proportions.

A net importer of food Gabon finds itself almost totally without edible foodstuffs in the wake of a holiday vacation package featuring the British Good Eats Club. The Good Eats Club is an organization of large British working class men who enjoy eating. They bill themselves as the world's fattest men, a claim those left uneaten in Gabon would not dispute.

"They were the fattest men in the world. At least the fattest men I've ever seen. And they walked around without shirts on. It was horrible." Salmanch Abbesole, owner of the Hotel Gabon was forced to ask the Brits to leave after the hotel ran out of food and the men began eating the furniture. "They ate my dog. They did not cook him, they just ate him. They ate the landscaping around the hotel. We are a tropical country, we had rain forests, but my hotel looks like it is in the Sahara. They ate most of the rain forest, I think."

Hyperbole, no doubt. At 270,000 square kilometers Gabon is too large for even the fattest men in the world to eat, however there is no doubt that the Good Eats Club did eat a large swath through Gabon.

Chairman of the Good Eats Club, Brian "Hippo" Mulligan admits that some members of the organization did get a bit rowdy, but, "there's nothing to most of the stories. In Mayumba they accused us of eating in the morgue. Preposterous! We ate at restaurants. What they served us, I can't say. They were in the middle of a drought before we ever got there."

No matter the cause, no one doubts that Gabon is in a bad way, and that relief is needed. Mulligan for his part suggests they grown more of their own food, "we left them plenty of fertilizer."

This small tropical West African country has staunchly maintained its independence since 1960 when France released control. The official language of Gabon is still French with Fang, Myene, Nzebi, Bapounou/Eschira and Bandjabi also being spoken.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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