Written by matwil
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Friday, 16 May 2008

A Scot today made the shock claim that Scots are not a nation of violent, alcoholic nutcases, after Manchester police fought them to death for hours, and then the Scots trashed half the city, after the UEFA Cup final there.

'We're a peace-loving people', John McPuttheheidin said, as he repeatedly punched PC George 'Child' Englishman. 'We only fight them if English eejits start it!'

Sitting in his destroyed builders' van, local Mr. Ihatejocks, said: 'I hate Jocks.'

But a spokesman for the entire nation of Scotland had this to say. 'Look, we have to live next to these Weegie maniacs, you're lucky, you only meet them every twenty years.'

And Scottish Apologist, Sir Alex Salmond, added: 'Most Scots hate Rangers outside Glasgow - but at least they showed the English who rules this island!'

Vanessa McCoist, Rangers' spokesbelly, said: 'Hey, we hate Celtic, but we hate the English even more - welcome tae Scotland, ya bams!'

And Tony Blair, in Edinburgh, added: 'Look, chaps, um, please, well, you know, guys', and was felled by a brick thrown by a nearby Hibernian fan.

Ulster is British. Or Irish. Or both. Or neither. Or part of the United Kingdom. Or not.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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