At Darlington Crown Court, a claim was made today that cows don't moo loudly enough.
Speaking for the prosecution, QC Cherie Perry Very Merry Christmas said: 'We've repeatedly asked the police to make the cattle moo with more volume, but our requests have just been ignored.'
And eye-witness, Mike Galloway, said: 'I was walking past the Mart, m'lud, when I found the near-silence terrifying, and had to lie down for a minute, under a shorthorn cow.'
But defending the bovine accused, Miss Ermintrude Tailswish claimed: 'We have a surprise witness - call Mister Bully!', and as Mr. Bully took to the dock, Miss Tailswish asked him: 'Are you Mister Bully?'
'Aye, tha' knaws, eeeee, grrrannnnnd.'
'And did you hear loud mooing near Darlington Mart last Friday?'
'Aye, it were reet deafening, bloomin' made me ears 'urt, I 'ad to stop usin' them to flip away t' flies.'
'Thank you, I rest my case.'
The trial of the cows continues today, but it is widely expected that the judge, Sir Pompous Redfacemason, will dismiss the charges.
Cattle across Northern England were already bellowing and letting off wind in celebration, and one or two were even jumping over the Moon.