Written by matwil
Print this
Topics: Cows

Thursday, 15 May 2008

At Darlington Crown Court, a claim was made today that cows don't moo loudly enough.

Speaking for the prosecution, QC Cherie Perry Very Merry Christmas said: 'We've repeatedly asked the police to make the cattle moo with more volume, but our requests have just been ignored.'

And eye-witness, Mike Galloway, said: 'I was walking past the Mart, m'lud, when I found the near-silence terrifying, and had to lie down for a minute, under a shorthorn cow.'

But defending the bovine accused, Miss Ermintrude Tailswish claimed: 'We have a surprise witness - call Mister Bully!', and as Mr. Bully took to the dock, Miss Tailswish asked him: 'Are you Mister Bully?'

'Aye, tha' knaws, eeeee, grrrannnnnd.'

'And did you hear loud mooing near Darlington Mart last Friday?'

'Aye, it were reet deafening, bloomin' made me ears 'urt, I 'ad to stop usin' them to flip away t' flies.'

'Thank you, I rest my case.'

The trial of the cows continues today, but it is widely expected that the judge, Sir Pompous Redfacemason, will dismiss the charges.

Cattle across Northern England were already bellowing and letting off wind in celebration, and one or two were even jumping over the Moon.

Make matwil's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 plus 2?

6 14 8 7
55 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more