Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 16 May 2008

image for Hadrian's Wall To Be Made Higher, Stronger To Keep Scots Out
Scots attacking Hadrian's Wall

Hadrian's Wall, the structure built by the Romans to keep Scottish people from encroaching into England, is to be fortified at a cost of £28billion of taxpayers' money - money, says the government, that would be "well spent".

The Wall, built in AD122 by some bloke called Hadrian, has fallen into disrepair in recent times, and has allowed easy access for marauding bands of Scottish football fans to enter England. This is what happened earlier this week when hordes of drunken Glasgow Rangers supporters surged over the border on their way to the UEFA Cup Final defeat in Manchester.

Once there, they sacked the Northern capital, drank it dry, and trampled flower beds in Piccadily Gardens, before singing local residents to sleep in a fit of drunken mirth.

Manchester council leader Sir Richard Leese told Radio 5 Live:

"They were like a pack of baying wolves. We must rebuild Hadrian's Wall high enough to prevent this kind of thing happening again in the future."

The Wall, which runs for 80 miles from Wallsend to the shores of the Solway Firth, is the only manmade structure on the UK mainland that can be seen from the Moon. It is made almost entirely from shortbread.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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