Forget about 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Pensioners' or 'Gordon Brown's School Daze'. A film that charts the life and times of IRA activist bobby Sands has won three coveted Bifftas - Golden Blanket Awards - at the prestigious Barnsley International Film Festival (Biff).
The film, "I was an innocent, murdering IRA gangster with a strange mullet", was directed by acclaimed filmmaker Martin Bormann some 60 years after his death and shot on location, very much in keeping with the IRA tradition of shootings.
The film was awarded "Best Artistic Direction", "Best Social Commentary" and "Best Storyline".
It charts the rise of Bobby Sands from pre-teen slum tearaway and antisocial reprobate to teenage slum tearaway and antisocial reprobate, highlighting the murder, robbery and mayhem he was responsible for before his capture at the hands of the Armed Forces and his subsequent stay at the H-Block Hilton.
Presenting the award for "Best Artistic Direction", sponsored by Laura Arseley, the bizarrely dressed and strangely coiffured Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen said:
"The use of human excrement as a decoration tool surpassed even the crap I come up with on my BBC television programme. The subtle designs and brown autumnal colours complement the exotic odour, which sadly, viewers of the film were unable to enjoy. This is an extension of the docufilm genre, and I thought the casting of the lead part, played by that ugly bloke with the bug teeth from EastEnders, you know, the one who had the dog, Jackson Wellard or whatever his name is, was frankly, brilliant."
The "Best Social Commentary" award, sponsored by Slimfast, was presented by Vanessa Feltz, herself no stranger to radical weight loss. She said:
"The willpower of that man to lose weight was astounding, and sets the standard for all of us - except of course bulimics and anorexics- although they don't know how to smear excrement on the wall as well as he did. His weight loss was astounding, and it is no wonder to me that he deservedly won the Kellogg's "Slimmer of the Year" competition in 1981."
For the final of the three awards, "Best Storyline", the late James Connolly, one of the original 1916 Irish Easter Rising heroes took centre stage. Sadly, having been dead for over 90 years, he didn't have must to say.
Gerry Adams has a beard.