Written by Angus McFiddle

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Topics: School, Teachers, Exams

Monday, 12 May 2008

image for SATS tests are too taxing, says teacher

Standard Assessment Tests (SATs) are too difficult, say Britain's teachers, who struggle to mark the papers.

The national union has called for the scrapping of all exams for children under 10 because of the pressure they put on teachers.

"We really struggle to mark the exams, because we don't know the answers," said teaching spokesperson Tory Spelling. "When we went to school, no one corrected our spelling, made us do our homework or taught us to add up without using our fingers, so why should we be expected to know the answers to these exams?

"How can we mark the papers if we don't know what marks to give? Not only that, we struggle to add up the number of questions the children have got right."

Ted Todd, a junior minister at the Department for Children, Schools and Families, said it is a disgrace that teachers are not clever enough to teach children. "Something should be done," he said, "to ensure that today's children do not grow up to be tomorrow's stupid and uneducated teachers."

The Government has promised to ensure Britain does not have any stupid teachers by the end of 2018, because by then it will have scrapped education completely to save money.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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