"I know where Shergar is and I know what happened to Lord Lucan. How much?" she asked our reporter.
Her mercenary approach to secrecy comes as no surprise following her recent revelations that have caused Gordon Brown so much angst.
"I can keep a secret until it becomes profitable." said the aged harridan. "I know about Paul Burrell and his proclivities but am saving it for my next book 'Me, Diana and Me'. It doesn't make sense to put it all in one tome.'
Some revelations are detailed in her current book, for sale at the end of the month, serialised in The Times, on iTunes as a downloadable podcast or if you wish to pay £10,000 she can be hired for a personal engagement.
'No kissing though. Tony doesn't like it.' she says
"I have multiple homes to pay for and I don't know if you have noticed but this government has run the nation into the crapper. We need to move to Portugal or Zimbabwe - somewhere safe like that.'