Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Police

Friday, 9 May 2008

image for Poor show as cops admit Chelsea barrister shot 'only five times'
Shooting for Britain at an address near you today!

London - (Ass Mess): Metropolitan Police officials have apologised that the national benchmark for shooting a rampaging gunman dead has suffered a setback.

Tuesday's armed siege at a Chelsea flat resulted in London barrister David Saunders receiving a total of five bullets in the head, chest and wallet, albeit from different weapons.

The Met's Gold Standard was set back in July 2005 when a harmless "but thoroughly suspicious looking" Brazilian had eight bullets pumped into his head at point blank range at Stockwell Station.

A public enquiry exonerated the marksmen after MPs noted that so many televised Iraq War shootings clearly showed there's one law for the army and another for cops.

The Chelsea armed response team has now been ordered by Home Secretary Jackie Smith to "harass the hell out of deviants, recidivists and troublemakers" who have enjoyed a mild spell since former Prime Monster Tony Blair decriminalised cannabis.

Gorgon Brown is sweating profusely.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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