Written by Raymond Bentos
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Topics: BBC, ITV

Thursday, 8 May 2008

image for BBC newsreaders laugh openly at ITV's record fine
More than a mouthfull broadcast today

Announcing the £5.68 Million fine levied against ITV for fixing the results of a series of telephone votes by the media watchdog OfCOM, a number of the BBC's best-known anchors were seen to smirk and mouth obscenities while the entire News 24 crew indulged in a number of unscripted comments during the reporting of the news item throughout today.

While the actual amount of money is relatively insignificant when compared to ITV's operating profits and some in the industry feel their crooked practices deserve far harsher punishment, it would appear the BBC have taken it upon themselves to rub as much salt in the wound as possible.

It started off relatively mildly on the BBC Breakfast show when Bill Turnbull began laughing when it came to revealing Catherine Tate was the real winner of the previous Best Comedy Show's award instead of 'Ant and Dick', as he tongue-in-cheekily announced. Sian Williams then began giggling uncontrollably, and could be heard saying 'You said Dick' in a Beavis and Butthead style for the rest of the broadcast.

Turning to Declan Curry, the plumply jovial business presenter, he was caught giving the 'wanker' sign to a still image of Michael Grade and quickly had to compose himself while addressing the potential of the Bank of England keeping interest rates at 5% later that day.

However, far rougher treatment was to come from the strictly impartial, publicly funded organisation. By the One O'Clock News on both the BBC and News 24, Chris Eakin was clearly not in the mood for giving ITV any kind of charity and waded into the headline with 'Crooked bastard ITV rips off its poor, sub-standard programme-watching viewers AGAIN'. Clearly, he meant it too, as he didn't smile as much as normal even though Joanna Gosling was looking particularly sexy sitting right next to him. All she did was nod every time he heavily said 'I-T-VEEEE' and tutted before and after the taped report revealing the extent of the independent channel's malpractice.

Perhaps the most damning indictment came on the Seven O'Clock News 24 broadcast, where Phillip Hayton added the word 'cocks' randomly to his entire delivery, spat on the floor after a still photograph of Ant and Dec was flashed on the screen and finished the entire report with 'thieving bunch of twats'. The coverage - and fun - continues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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