Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 8 May 2008

image for Princess Beatrice caught shoplifting
Police caught her with £££s of stolen clobber

London - (Pilfering Mess): A frantic damage limitation exercise has kicked into place after silly Puppet Monarchy tribute artise Princess Beatrice was caught shoplifting in a London store.

Beatrice, nicknamed Thunderthighs because of her ginormous posterior, is being touted in UK tabloids as a personal shopper at Hellfridges, the iconic Oxford Street freezer retailer catering to London's lardarses.

But the cover story of little Miss Wobbly Bum working her way on the shop floor during her gap year suddenly fell apart today.

Buckingham Palace had to issue a statement confirming the 18 year-old had been nicked while on a shoplifting rampage.

She is and now paying the price with a hush-hush community service order, picking up discarded chewing gum, bus tickets and used syringes in a busy shopping mall's flagship store.

This is not the first time a Puppet Monarchy stand-in has been busted for theft.

In 1963 George Bush Senior's birth mother the Queen Mother received a six month sentence spent scrubbing lavatories at the Tower of London for trying to poison a rival by putting hemlock into her tea.

And in 1972 Old Fatty Mountbatten herself was dispatched to the wilds of Canada after an attempted machete attack on a diplomatic protection corps officer.

She ended up spending the year chopping wood and servicing the carnal needs of a squad of Mounties protecting Alberta farmers from bear attacks.

Camilla swears she is clean and sober today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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