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Tuesday, 6 May 2008

image for 90th birthday celebration concert could actually kill Nelson Mandela
Leona hits the high notes - Barratt Homes to sue

Attendance at the Hyde Park concert in June to celebrate his 90th Birthday could actually be fatal for Nelson Mandela, it was revealed earlier today.

While most people will be able to cope with poor sanitary conditions, extortionate food and drink prices and the great British weather, it is feared that Nelson Mandela might not survive.

Famous Harley Street physician Dr Drew Blood, said:

"While Eddy Grant, Queen and Annie Lennox are perfectly harmless, I fear that any exposure to, for example, Sugarbabes, could be very detrimental to Mr Mandela's health. It's hard enough for normal members of the public to contend with Sugarbabes, as they mime to their greatest hit, but to subject Mr Mandela at his age to this is, patently, the equivalent of being locked up in a South African Jail…..oh!...sorry……he's done that.

"Also, while I appreciate Leona Lewis is extremely pleasant to look at, when she hits those high notes, it can affect binoculars, contact lenses, thermos flasks, the London underground timetable and heart pace makers. Quite what she could do to poor Mr Mandela's bones when she starts screeching those Whitney Houston hits doesn't bear mentioning…….oops, sorry, I've just mentioned it.

"Mr Mandela will have enough to contend with when Dame Burley Shassey starts hitting the high notes, but at least she has a lovely pair of boots she received from appearing on the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special.

"At this stage, Eminem, Amy Winehouse and the Spice Girls have also been mentioned elsewhere in the press as potential acts which could totally seal poor Mr Mandel's fate."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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