Written by Ben Macnair
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Topics: Star Wars

Monday, 5 May 2008

image for Rancor Monster Escapes
Star Wars

There was consternation in Leicester following the escape of a 15ft Rancor Monster.

The beast, famed for its appearance in Star Wars feeds on Jedi Knights, Cheesy Wotsits, Skittles (but not the green ones) and nettles, is relatively harmless, but as a hideous monster, it will scare many at large in the population. The Rancor Monster, who answers to the name Ernie, is owned by Mrs Gwyneth Smith, a retired librarian from Ross on Wye. She told us:

'Ernie is largely harmless. He is a rambunctious little scamp though, one moment he was in his cage, and the next he was chasing Stan from down the road. Stan knows Ernie, but he was not scared of him,really. It is the rareness of the Monster that concerns me most. I have become extremely fond of Ernie, even though he leaves muddy foot-prints around the house, and the garden is not really big enough for him. He is not cuddly and cute, like a hamster or a Cat is, but when he saw him in the pet shop six years ago, I knew he was the pet for me. He was only two foot tall then, so he has grown quite a lot'.

Anybody who sees Ernie is requested to contact Leicester Police, or to run as fast as they can. These days, his eyesight is failing, and he may mistake any passer-by for a Jedi Knight. May the Farce be with you.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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