New London Mayor Boris Johnson has caused a major furore by stating that his first priority will be to lobby for sexual athletics to become an Olympic sport in time for the 2012 games.
In a probing interview with Ffiona "Bury Me In A Y-shaped Coffin" Cholmondley-Farquison, Sports Editor of Penthouse magazine, Johnson outlined his plans to put pressure on IOC President Juan de Fulbackhander to "add a few more sports that we Brits are good at - like shagging, for instance."
Johnson went on to add: "Someone once told me that 45 minutes of vigorous humping is the equivalent of running a half-marathon - I mean crikey, no wonder Kate Moss looks so thin."
Other sports the new mayor says he will urge the Olympic Committee to consider include bare knuckle boxing outside nightclubs in the early hours of the morning, lighting farts and the Eton Wall Game.
Sebastian Coe was understood to be too busy training for a comeback to comment.