Fans of Scottish UEFA cup finalists Glasgow Rangers were last night waking up in a mountain of beer cans and grinning friends just in time to hear the disappointing news that many of them will be unable to obtain the necessary documentation needed to travel south to England later this month to see their heroes play on foreign soil in their first cup final since the 1970s that doesnt involve Celtic or a pub team from the Shetlands.
Immigration officials based at Hadrians Wall are reported to have already stepped up patrols along the border between the two countries and have asked the government for extra funding in case hoardes of scotsmen attempt to slip through undetected disguised as out of work builders, bearded comedians, or British Prime ministers before the final later this month.
A spokesman for the foreign office told our reporter that they were already aware of the situation north of the border and had been monitoring events closely, especially the penalty shoot out, and were already aware of the potential for coachloads of people with ginger hair urinating on the hard shoulder of the M6 .
He also added that the Government understood the fears of Manchester residents, many of whom claimed that Glaswegian asylum seekers would try to remain in the city after the match and attempt to disguise themselves as drunken nutters who shout at people in an incoherent manner while sitting in a shopping trolley. However, the Government spokesman was quick to stress that English residents already employed in the mad shouty drunken person industry had nothing to fear from the potential influx of foreign migrants and that vacancies in this sector of the unemployment market were already booming due to Government policies of the last decade.
The English FA are also rumoured to to be ready to take a hard line with any supporters who attempt to snap the crossbar in half while impersonating a member of the bay city rollers after the game although exact details of possible punishments remain unclear.