Written by Pen & Ink
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Saturday, 3 May 2008

image for Boris & Ken Demand Recount After Brian Is Crowned Pearly Queen of London
Paddick and his mother (left) celebrate his unexpected victory

The London Mayoral result was sensationally overturned in the early hours of this morning when lawyers acting for Lib Dem candidate Brian Paddick invoked an arcane London bye-law forbidding heterosexual men with the initials 'K' or 'B' from holding public office within the sound of Bow Bells.

Bye-law 28 of the City of London was originally passed by the openly metrosexual Dick Wittington in 1419 with the explicit aim of keeping his arch enemy, Lord Basil of Kennington from replacing him as Lord Mayor.

In a hastily-convened ceremony outside Frank Lampard's Eel Pie shop on the Mile End Road, Paddick was handed the keys to the city as well as the private washroom in his new office and the padlock for the mayoral bike.

Boris Johnson is hugely relieved

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