Written by Young Master Pip
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Topics: Police, Manchester

Saturday, 8 May 2004

image for Police Arrest 85 yr Old Lady Doing 150mph in Mobility Scooter
Old Lady Completely Out Of Control

Police officers were stunned when they clocked 85 yr old pensioner, Mabel Smith doing 150 mph on the pavement outside Manchester's Sainsbury supermarket in what appeared to be a standard mobility scooter.

For some time now,undercover police officers have been investigating reports that gangs of pensioners were turbo-charging ordinary battery powered mobility scooters so that they could terrorise pedestrians and shoppers.

Today's arrest confirms that these reports were true..

The previous speed record for a mobility scooter stands at a mere 130mph and on that occasion the pensioner was found guilty of driving without due care and attention and was jailed for 200 years.

A senior police spokesperson gave an insight of how seriously they are taking the threat of wrinkly ‘ton-up' merchants;

‘These old gits are completely out of control,' the non-male police spokesperson commented.

‘They are forcing garage mechanics to fit B.M.W. turbo-charged engines to mobility scooters so that they can speed on the pavements of our towns and cities in order to harass young people.'

‘Fortunately our judges are dishing out 200 year prison sentences to these sad wrinklies and so they will be taken off the streets for a considerable time.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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