ASHCOMBE, WILTSHIRE - Experts designated by the Countryside Office began examination today of Madonna's cannabis crop and they have found her grass to be "thoroughly smokeable and of a heightened potency not usually found in a homegrown product."
Madonna is currently involved in a lawsuit arguing to prevent ramblers from crossing a portion of her Ashcombe estate where she says the area is used for cannabis crops. The buds of these plants are slated for her upcoming London smokery chain, Madonna's Marijuanas.
Madonna fears that ramblers will abscond with her product before it reaches its intended market or, in a worst-case scenario, it could be accidentally trampled by clueless sightseers.
As reported by the BBC, "Dr Alan Jones, director of environmental sciences at the RPS planning, transport and environment consultancy" began conducting a "botanical survey on the estate in July 2003" to classify the cannabis crop varieties.
As far as the Countryside Office has been able to determine, Jones hasn't left the estate since he arrived last year.
When finally located for comment, Dr. Jones told reporters, "This is some really good s**t!"
Although Madonna is not anticipating a decision in favor of the Countryside Agency, she is already planning alternate strategies. To take advantage of the millions of sightseers who might wind up traipsing across her estate, she is in talks with promotion services to install concession stands along the ramblers' route that will sell popular American snacks, beverages and Madonna Reinvention Tour merchandise.
This Spoof exclusive report was relayed from a camera-equipped cell phone on Madonna's Ashcombe estate where more Spoof reporters are rushing to the scene of this breaking story.