London - (Preposterous Mess): Fetid Hellfire Club tribute artiste Prince William is to get the Order of the Gutter.
The citation notes that the 25 year-old steadfastly ignored the desperate cravings of his gender orientation and underwent weeks of MoD MK Ultra-style hypnosis so he could shag notorious Opus Dei skeletal stick insect Kate Middleton.
The gesture was eventually interpreted as a personal service to the Puppet Monarch who had vowed to "slap up his silly little chubby gob" if she ever caught him buggering the Palace footmen again.
Wills joins other notable Hellfire gangster spawn in getting the gong which has rewarded generations of perverts, traitors and members of Max Mosley's family.
He will be initiated into the order's arcane mysteries at a P2 Lodge orgy inside the Grand Marquee at this year's Chelsea Flower Show.
Prince Harry has nits.