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Friday, 25 April 2008

image for Man makes holy house of cress
Charles Ainsworth yesterday

It sounds the mutterings of madmen, but in Chiswell, Devon, Charles Ainsworth, 45 has finally completed two years of painstaking work, and completed his house made entirely from CRESS!

After splitting up with his wife three years ago after an argument involving "loud hooting", Charles moved out of his 13th century family barn and relocated in Chilswell, Devon. He then decided to embark on his cress building exercise.

The five bedroom house comprises of a kitchen, 2 bathrooms, study, lounge, fish gutting room and a room with no sides and was completed earlier this month.

"It was crazy" he shouted. "I started building the house after a dream I had. I was visited in my dream by a green, cress like figure who explained to me that it was God's will to ensure I built this house. I asked the figure why God would want this, and the figure explained as a 'nut free holiday home'."

Charles went on to explain "God has a nut allergy see? That's why nuts taste of sick!"

We visited the 'holy cress house of Chilswell' as it has been dubbed and as far as we were concerned, it looked like an ordinary house made of bricks. Once we asked to speak to Charles, we were told to 'naff off or I'll smash your throat off' by his neighbour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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