London - (Rizla Mess): All school leavers gaining five good GCSEs and two A Levels will be allowed to grow a bit of their own in a young persons business initiative announced by Boris Johnson.
"It's time we got hip to these high achievers' needs," the mayoral hopeful told residents of a South London sink estate today.
"My pipedream will weed out the young thugs who won't work like Billy-Oh at their exams.
"Stick and carrot thing. Nobody gets busted for a little weed if there's been a bit of commitment with the ABCc beforehand.
"Everyone else caught with the drug gets an automatic five years hard labour in a Bernard Matthews turkey abattoir.
"Deal or no deal?"