Written by queen mudder
Print this
Topics: Pete Doherty

Thursday, 24 April 2008

image for Doherty tests positive
Doherty poctured at the Whorely Arms firesale gig last month

London - (OMFG Mess): Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty has tested positive inside the nutter wing at HMP Wormwood Scrubs.

The 28 year-old musician was found to have consumed a music industry-average amount of illicit narcotics which under normal circumstances would have sedated if not wiped out an entire army regiment.

Doherty tested positive for cocaine (40 grams), crack cocaine (22 grams), free-base cocaine (20 grams), crystal meth (£200-worth), heroin (a whole weekend's suply for the average Garage or Indie band), mandies (two dozen), ecstasy (ten tabs), LSD (enough to fry the brains of one hundred ordinary, healthy males), three ounces of best Afghani Black and hald a gallon of Jack Daniels.

"We had difficulty in finding any haemoglobin in his blood samples," a prison medical wing said today, "and as for his piss test it very nearly burned a nasty hole in the test tube."

The singer is supposed to be detoxing on methadone scrip in the singer's notorious Black Sabbath wing where countless other pop artistes before him have been weaned off the deadly poisons.

Amy Winehouse is off her trolley.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 3?

3 11 14 15
113 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more