People were evacuated from Edinburgh zoo today as a man wearing a Timothy Mallet style 'Wack-A-Day' foam mallet costume, proceeded to run through the zoo, screaming about wanting to be a Honey Bee and an Aeroplane. Zoo wardens chased the foam hammer wearing assailant around the zoo for half an hour as he jumped out from behind trees and fences shouting 'HEY!' after which he proceeded to dance backwards and forwards making sick obscene pelvic thrusting movements with his hips.
'We lost him after that,' said the chief warden. 'That is until another half an hour later, when we heard a commotion near the monkey cages. The poor buggers were screaming and yelling in fright. So we ran over to them and rediscovered the mad man, jumping in and out of the trees and running up to the monkey cages and screaming at them.'
Police later picked Peter up from the zoo and escorted him back to the police station, where he was locked up for the night.
'I hope this teaches Peter a lesson,' replied Edinburgh's chief of police. 'Maybe his night in a cell has given him plenty of time to think about the real world.'