Written by Raymond Bentos
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Topics: Shannon Mathews

Monday, 21 April 2008

image for Blindfold and pin to replace DNA testing in Matthews case
Armed Police assess entire streets of Matthews

In a move sure to cause controversy, the team heading up the continuing Shannon Matthews case have confirmed they are to dispense with costly and time-consuming DNA testing in order to identify members of Shannon's extended family, electing instead to use a specially trained, blindfolded West Yorkshire Police officer and two pins connected by a piece of cotton to speed the process up.

By printing out a list of all occupants in a ten street perimeter around the recently arrested Karen Matthews' home in Dewsbury and randomly sticking the first pin in one part of the circle and the second in another, the blindfold scheme has yielded immediate and impressive results.

A spokesperson for the team revealed that within twenty minutes of operation, thirty six residents had been confirmed as being directly related following questioning, putting the Matthews extended family to three hundred and nine.

The spokesperson went on to say that they are hoping to widen the search just as soon as they can get a longer piece of cotton, although the fear is that the whole of Dewsbury may be related to the Matthews' family and the entire town have to be arrested.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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